BY JOSELINE BYAKATONDA
As a child, I was traumatised after seeing a cousin’s toe bleeding, little did I know that it had been cut off by his father as punishment for stealing money to buy pancakes. To the father, leaving a permanent mark was the best way to teach his son a lesson never to steal. I wonder though, if the son to date views it that way. Toeless for stealing money to buy pancakes! In another sad incident in July 2023, Christopher Kalyebi was burnt by his father in Butebo over stealing or eating vegetable soup reserved for dinner. Discipline or torture?
Discipline is advised and commended by Our Heavenly Father in Proverbs 22:6; “Train up a child in the way he should go: even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” God disciplines adults too, Hebrews 12:6; “The Lord trains those he loves, and chastises every son he accepts.” Discipline is therefore a daily routine for any human being until death. To discipline is to nurture and mould one to mature in practicing certain norms in private and public, which then become their character, in printing traits of a way of life later on accepted and owned by the one living it. The goal is adulting the young person, ensuring the bridge from childhood to adulthood is crossed well with all the tools needed to live a life worth an adult and also grooming others to adulthood. Discipleship which denotes discipline is to be passed on, multiplier effect is the end result. Discipline nurtures and grooms to bring out the best in the person while torture traumatises. The Convention Against Torture, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment (CAT), defines torture as: “Any act by which severe pain or suffering, whether physical or mental, is intentionally inflicted on a person for such purposes as obtaining from him or a third person information or a confession, punishing him for an act he or a third person has committed or is suspected of having committed, or intimidating or coercing him or a third person…” According to UNICEF, in Uganda, 59% and 68% of girls and boys respectively will experience torture in their journey to adulthood.
Like every human being, young people live by instinct and conscience, the capability to acknowledge a mistake even when one has the least knowledge to define it. This is a natural occurrence that babies and toddlers frail when they err too. Young people therefore, plead guilty from self-condemnation, before an external judgment is passed, regretting the outcomes of their actions and the potential result of losing the trust of those they cherish.
Self-control is thence key in this stage to avoid tainting their esteem and where self-condemnation is depicted, mounting condemnation on them is torture, instead of discipline, though adults will often want to tag it to the latter. Disciplining requires discipline from adults and self-control, keeping in mind the end result of discipline is ‘grooming one to adulthood not just pouncing power and authority over them.’ In such instances, hold conversations. The first thing is to build a rapport with them by finding out what their intention for doing what they did. This is called diagnosing the problem. Diagnosis is what parenting is about, so you can apply the right medicine to the right character defect. If medics can hold their panic and emotions in life-threatening emergencies, then it’s more than possible in situations not life-threatening, as in, causing immediate death. Discipline is grooming and grooming is a lifelong journey. When one in authority forgets this and their ego leads them to have instant results, their action is based on emotions, hence, brutal, the end result is torture.
Thus, how adults react to a mistake often portrays a failure to manage self. Rapport is only built where there’s trust and trust is earned not demanded. If declaring an offence earns one insults and shame because they erred, then they will keep denying it and running away. Adults are charged with creating an atmosphere of accommodating the dung as well as the milk from the young people. Accept that the two
come from the same cow After identifying the problem, explain it to the culprit. Young people often err due to a lack of self- awareness, hence letting them know empowers them to avoid making the same mistake. Every error a young person makes is a gateway to influence them positively because then, their guards are down. Yet every opportunity misused in torture keeps them away if they err another
time.
Also, their confidence is boosted as you lower your hats to relate with them at their level of understanding.Even when they make the mistake
multiple times, let us labour to always diagnose and still communicate with them not just to them. Then, offer to journey with them until they overcome the habit or mischief. Adults will often judge but not be ready to walk the mending journey. Take a mile to do this and you’ll be a treasure young people hang around.
