By Joseline Byakatonda
Too many times, we Christians wait until it’s too late to talk to children about sex, waiting for the bloom time when they announce an engagement, start bringing boyfriends home, or ask to go partying-if they request anyway or show clear evidence of fornication like early pregnancy if not cohabitation. Children need to know God’s design for sex early in life. Why?
She lost her virginity at age 10. He lost his at age 12. The other lost it at age 15. She was molested at age 8. You know at what age you lost yours and by who! By what influence! And the knowledge gaps you had! Before heading to the blame game or turning judgemental, first, hear the story.
Toline (not real name) heard her friends sharing information about their experiences, successfully seducing her to try, so she could experience for herself, after all, each person’s experience is unique and customized, and to prove the friend’s information, automatically meant trying it out to taste for oneself. Little did she know what would happen, let alone gauge she was being misled.
You know, if there are no benchmarks or boundaries set by the right people through the right information, how does one get to know they are overboard or getting to the wrong path? It’s knowledge that governs the conscience; if nurtured by the right information! Talking to children about sex is a double-edged sword, not just to prevent promiscuous activity; it is also a crucial step in protecting them from sexual predators. I mean, think about it with me for a second! How on earth will they know if they are being abused if they don’t know what kinds of touch are appropriate or inappropriate?
By the way, have you noticed the parent-pass-on-information mischief yet? While cancer, HIV, and malaria are among the deadly killer diseases, there is another epidemic in our society of parents who STILL view the topic of sex as taboo, at least until a certain age. The old hoard information, in the interest of protecting young children, while the millennials talk about it with ease as though to say this is normal science for us. The sex education television series comedy-drama on NETFLIX is one of the widely watched series, laying bare facts about sexuality through life stories. The information is out there but, do we know what they have come across out there?
Ten years ago, a Senior Lady‘s session was sufficient to groom, but not anymore. In earlier times, parents said nothing about this topic, then it got to the limelight. Today, you need an ongoing dialogue with your children as soon as they are three or four years old. Sex education means being involved, as a parent, in every stage of a child’s life, preparing them for the next. What do the body changes mean and why?
Generation Z and Alpha are lay-it-bare generations, calling a spade a spade. Every time information overlaps, they switch off. Sex education they know because the academic programming and social networks are eager to pass on information to your child, without permission but yet swiftly. The real current need is sex discipleship, holding your children’s hand and other young people’s to live the values that flourish human divinity throughout life’s long journey.
Sex education teaches what to think about sex while sex discipleship nurtures how to think about sex; the ongoing journey of applying God’s truth to sexual questions and experience. If you feel you are charting new territory, I get you because you were formed differently for an environment that has greatly changed. Though there’s a need for skill metamorphosis, those in your care don’t know how awkward it feels talking about sex and they won’t know unless you show it. Hence, set the tone that talking about sex can be normal, encouraging, and empowering. Sex discipleship is intentional, and must happen during the different phases of growth, starting from an early age.
Ages 3-4: At this stage, the basics like naming the parts of the body and their functions is a key objective. Call the parts by their real names, not Willy, tuukuutuu among others. At this stage, children innocently enjoy playing with their bodies and private parts for discovery, just like they would be attracted to mummy’s brightly branded tin of cream, so don’t get shocked, offended, or anxious by it. Keep redirecting the hands away from their private parts, just like you educate a child not to touch in their eyes anyhow to avoid infections.
Ages 5-8: Developmental psychologists term this as the latency stage, where children will most likely not think about sex unless they are exposed to it. Surprisingly, modern culture introduces sexual themes and your child may start being exposed to sexual discussions by friends, media, and school. At this level, talk about how the functions of some parts can be twisted. Ages 9-14: Plan for a weekly or monthly date and include sex education.
Ages 15 and up Have intentional conversations more of a sharing, at this stage. Allow them to share most of the time, picking out key points for discussion. It’s a coaching and guiding phase. Help them set boundaries. Include your life’s journey-sharing your regrets, and what the Lord has been teaching you. This will open the channel of communication, not withholding vital information. Nurture critical thinking. Sex education is good but is a signpost and groundwork made complete by sex discipleship. The two are siblings.
