By Dr Miriam Laker-Oketta
This year marks two decades since I wrote my first article for Leadership Magazine. At the time, I was a young doctor, brimming with excitement about my new found knowledge and early experiences of adulthood. Yet, I was also grappling with the weight of responsibility that comes with “adulting.” Much of this I learned not from textbooks but from the lives and stories of patients I deeply cared for.
My very first article was about a baby’s journey in the womb—from conception to the moment her life was tragically ended before she could meet her parents. This baby’s life was cut short by abortion, a topic that, even then, I found deeply painful and complex. Over the years, I’ve come to understand the profound and lasting impact this decision has on all involved. In fact, as I was writing this article, a university student who had been raped by a friend had just discovered that she was 6 weeks pregnant and was in distress trying to decide between suicide and abortion.
The Two Sides of the Story
In my years of practice, I’ve seen not just the stories of these precious unborn babies but also the stories of their mothers. One particular woman’s experience stands out. Her pain, her regret and her healing have inspired me to help others at the crossroads of abortion; because of her, I’ve seen babies saved, parents supported and hope restored. One of the most striking lessons I’ve learned is that the wound of abortion never truly heals. Women carry this pain with them for years, sometimes decades. When men are aware of the abortion, they too often suffer silently, haunted by feelings of regret and helplessness.
The Pressures Women Face
The pressure to terminate a pregnancy is real and multifaceted. It comes from all corners of life, family, society, partners, and even from within the self. Some women I’ve met have shared heartbreaking stories:
A young woman terrified of her parents’ reaction, saying, “They will kill me if they find out.”
Married women forced into abortion by husbands who claimed, “I’m not ready for the baby.”
Women afraid of losing their jobs because they became pregnant “too soon” after their last maternity leave.
Unwed women ashamed to face their families or church communities with the visible “evidence” of their sin.
One woman told me, “It was too easy. I wish the people at the abortion clinic had offered counseling. I just needed someone to listen to me, to help me think clearly when I couldn’t see a way out.” A woman, whose husband pressured her to have an abortion after their baby was diagnosed with an abnormality while still in the womb was encouraged by her doctors to abort. She went for the procedure but ran out of the clinic in despair.
She later confided, “I wanted a truck to run over me. I thought of suicide so often.” Her marriage ultimately broke down because, in her husband’s words, she was “stupid” for not going through with the abortion. Even as a doctor, I have faced the pressures surrounding pregnancy.
When I was expecting my youngest child in my late thirties, my obstetrician repeatedly encouraged me to undergo amniocentesis, a test to check for abnormalities. The test carries a significant risk of miscarriage. The pressure only stopped when I firmly told my doctors, “If you cannot guarantee healing for any abnormality, I will not risk my baby’s life. I am determined to have my baby, no matter what.”
I am aware that I could make this decision confidently because I was in a place of privilege and faith as a highly educated woman with resources; but what about women with fewer options, less support, or no one to listen to their fears?
A time for compassion
Two women stand out in my memory. They came to me, desperate and considering abortion due to financial hardship. In both cases, I persuaded them to carry their pregnancies to term, promising to help them place the babies for adoption if they wished. Yet, after giving birth, both women decided to keep their babies. These experiences taught me an important lesson: each of us has a role in addressing abortion, not through judgment but through listening, supporting and offering alternatives.
We need to educate men and women, married and unmarried, about the responsibility that comes with sex. Every sexual encounter has the potential to create life, even when contraception is used (contraceptive methods have failure rates). However, if a pregnancy has already occurred, judgment only adds to the burden. Instead, we must offer support, empathy, and practical solutions that preserve the baby’s life and protect the mother’s mental health.
Healing After Abortion
Many women and men who have experienced abortion need post-abortion support. Outside Uganda, there are programs, such as the Catholic Church’s “Rachel’s Vineyard’, that provide counseling, prayer, healing sessions and even opportunities to honor and pray for the deceased child. For those facing the difficult decision to continue with a pregnancy, I encourage seeking help. Speak to a counselor, a trusted friend, or a Catholic priest who will listen without judgment.
The Global Picture
According to the World Health Organization, approximately 73 million abortions occur worldwide each year. While these numbers highlight the scope of the problem, they also remind us of the countless opportunities we have to make a difference. Each of us has a role in building a culture of life. Let us educate young people about the consequences of their choices, offer compassion and support to those in crisis, and provide healing for those who carry the wounds of abortion. In 20 years of writing about health and life, I’ve learned that the value of life is in listening, caring and walking alongside others in their most vulnerable moments. Sometimes, you might save a life in the process.
…each of us has a role in addressing abortion—not through judgment but through listening, supporting and offering alternatives. We need to educate men and women, married and unmarried, about the responsibility that comes with sex…
The author has advanced training in Epidemology and Biostatistcs. Her current research focus is HIV-associated mailgancies, specifically Kaposi’s sarcoma and cervical cancer epidemiology, early detection, diagnosis and treatment. She is also co-founder of the Hub for African Women in Science (AWiSH)
